WHAT CAN HELP WITH WORRYING SO MUCH ABOUT THE WAY I LOOK?

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We live in a society that emphasizes appearance as the means to success and happiness. Given the media's bombardment of perfect-looking images, it is difficult not to compare yourself to television and film figures and magazine covers and come up short. Despite societal influences, however, the way a person looks doesn't produce worry or distress—rather, a person's thoughts about her appearance are the culprit. What are you saying to yourself about how you look? If you tell yourself that you look terrible, it's not surprising that you would feel anxious and depressed. But what's the evidence that you look terrible even if you don't resemble a magazine cover? Where is it getting you to think, “I look terrible”? Resisting unhelpful societal demands to look a certain way and learning to separate your appearance from your worth as a person are very important goals in improving emotional well-being. Growing up, perhaps you learned that self-value was based on having a particular body image. Now is an excellent time to question this old assumption. Inevitably, people get older, and physical changes will occur. If you awfulize these changes and condemn yourself for them, you will feel much worse than if you learn to tolerate the physical differences and accept yourself anyway. Again, using effective, forceful self-talk is key.

Anxiety-Generating Self-Talk

·       I must look perfect or I'm no good.

·       Everyone can see this flaw—how terrible!

·       I can't stand this flaw.

·       I can't be happy until I lose weight.

·       I hate my body!

Anxiety-Reducing Self-Talk

·       Nobody looks perfect all the time, and appearance is not the gauge of my worth.

·       People are far more focused on themselves than on anything about me. I look fine!

·       Even if I don't like this particular body part, I certainly can stand it. There's much more to me than this one feature.

·       If I'd like to lose weight, I can work on this goal, but it doesn't determine my level of happiness. Moreover, putting appearance-based demands on myself just makes me more anxious and interferes with reaching my goals.

·       My body can do an amazing number of activities! Why condemn it because it doesn't look like a movie star's body? I would never judge anyone else as harshly as I'm judging myself.

It is important to note that some people are so focused on perceived physical flaws that it becomes consuming. Body dysmorphic disorder is an increasingly recognized mental disorder in which a person is preoccupied with an imagined or slight deficit in appearance (e.g., “crooked” nose, facial lines, acne scars, thinning hair). Other people might not even notice what the individual is concerned about, but the BDD sufferer believes the flaw is repulsive. As a result, she may engage in compulsive mirror-checking or mirror-avoidance, over-grooming, skin-picking, cosmetic procedures, or reassurance-seeking. In addition to avoiding school, work, and social activities, people with body dysmorphic disorder tend to report high levels of distress and suicidal ideation and attempts. Other appearance-related, highly-distressing clinical conditions include eating disorders, which are prevalent in women and increasing in men. Both cognitive-behavioral therapy and medications (SSRIs) can be effective in treating eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder. Early diagnosis and intervention are vital in offsetting the harmful effects of these conditions.

Source: The Anxiety Answer Book by: Laurie A. Helgoe, PhD, Laura R. Wilhelm, PhD, Martin J. Kommor, MD

A PART OF ME THINKS MY PARTNER IS CHEATING ON ME. I WORRY ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME. WHAT CAN I DO TO RESOLVE THIS ANXIETY?

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This is where you have to ask yourself if your worry is based on reason and fact or on imagination and fantasy. If you have a basis for your worry, you may allow the feelings to eat away at you rather than face the truth. The most direct way to discover the truth is to look your partner in the eyes and ask. To find out if you're imagining things, ask yourself the following questions, and be honest with yourself:

·       Do I have any evidence?

·       Is my evidence substantial?

·       If I ask my partner if he is having an affair, and he says “no”, will I believe him?

·       Is there any way he could convince me that he isn't having an affair?

·       If I hire a private detective to determine if there is an affair and the detective says “no,” would I believe her?

If your answers show that even though you don't have any evidence, your partner would deny it, and a detective would find no evidence, you would still worry—then your worry may be excessive. In this case, your worry is not based on fact or reason. Some people in this situation can be reassured but only temporarily. Treatment is often necessary because this kind of worry can easily take over your life and destroy your relationship.

If you get therapy, you may discover that there is indeed something you wish were different about your spouse or your relationship. It may be something you can speak with him about. He may or may not be willing to change, but you can have the satisfaction of knowing the truth about your own worries and knowing you took measures to address them.

Source: The Anxiety Answer Book by: Laurie A. Helgoe, PhD, Laura R. Wilhelm, PhD, Martin J. Kommor, MD