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| telegraph.co.uk |
Worry is based on self-talk. Often
when people worry excessively, they overestimate danger in the world and
underestimate their ability to cope. Just because your mother worried a lot
does not automatically mean you are going to be a worrier for the rest of your
life. Worrying can become a habit, but all habits can be changed with hard
work. When you start to worry, instead of letting your mind toss around “what
if this and what if that?” it is a good idea to flesh out what is most likely
to happen. Focus on probabilities (likelihoods) rather than remote possibities.
Also, ask yourself, “What's the worst- case scenario and how would I deal with
it?”
Perhaps your mother was afraid to
drive and never drove her car. This is a behavior that can change if a person
is willing to question some of her negative assumptions. Your mother might have
said to herself, “I can't drive—I'll crash…What if I totaled the car?…What if I
hurt somebody else?…What if I became paralyzed?” If that is what she believed,
it makes sense she would feel anxious about driving and probably avoid it.
However, it might have been good for her to question, “Why can't I learn to
drive a car?” and “Even though car accidents happen, what makes it certain I'm
going to have a car accident if I try to drive?” Worrisome thoughts can be
identified, evaluated and disputed, but it takes consistent effort. Remember
also that life contains hassles, problems, and nuisances, so an absence of any
distressing emotion is not going to be realistic. However, if you notice
yourself worrying excessively, you might decide you prefer appropriate concern
to excessive worry. The difference between worries and concerns depends on your
thinking!
Source: The Anxiety Answer Book by: Laurie A. Helgoe, PhD, Laura R. Wilhelm, PhD, Martin J. Kommor, MD
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