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This is where you have to ask
yourself if your worry is based on reason and fact or on imagination and
fantasy. If you have a basis for your worry, you may allow the feelings to eat
away at you rather than face the truth. The most direct way to discover the
truth is to look your partner in the eyes and ask. To find out if you're
imagining things, ask yourself the following questions, and be honest with
yourself:
· Do I have any evidence?
· Is my evidence substantial?
· If I ask my partner if he is having
an affair, and he says “no”, will I believe him?
· Is there any way he could convince me
that he isn't having an affair?
· If I hire a private detective to
determine if there is an affair and the detective says “no,” would I believe
her?
If your answers show that even though
you don't have any evidence, your partner would deny it, and a detective would
find no evidence, you would still worry—then your worry may be excessive. In
this case, your worry is not based on fact or reason. Some people in this
situation can be reassured but only temporarily. Treatment is often necessary
because this kind of worry can easily take over your life and destroy your
relationship.
If you get therapy, you may discover
that there is indeed something you wish were different about your spouse or
your relationship. It may be something you can speak with him about. He may or
may not be willing to change, but you can have the satisfaction of knowing the
truth about your own worries and knowing you took measures to address them.
Source: The Anxiety Answer Book by: Laurie A. Helgoe, PhD, Laura R. Wilhelm, PhD, Martin J. Kommor, MD
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