THE LEARNED ASPECTS OF ANXIETY

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Learning to be anxious starts very early in life—in infancy, if not before. You learn to sense (or “pick up”) worry when a parent signals disapproval with gestures such as frowning, tightening the lips or jaw, grimacing, or pointing fingers at you. Anxiety is a very uncomfortable feeling, and being around an anxious person can make you feel anxious, too. In this sense, anxiety is contagious.

As an infant, you learned what displeased or created anxiety in your parents, and as a result you fashioned your behavior, and maybe even your personality, to please them. You also acted in the way they approved because it reduced your anxiety—the calmer they were, the calmer you were. You learned the “good me” (what your parents approved of), the “bad me” (what your parents disapproved of), and the “not me” (aspects of living so dreadful or horrifying, at least according to your parents, that they may be dissociated and not remembered in adulthood, even when someone else points them out).

          According to Harry Stack Sullivan, a feeling of anxiety is most apt to occur in situations in which your dignity and prestige are threatened by other people, and from which you are unable to escape. This includes embarrassing or unfamiliar settings. 

Copyright © Carolyn Chambers Clark,ARNP,EDD – Originally appeared in Living Well With Anxiety edition by Carolyn Chambers Clark,ARNP,EDD